What If Rangers Had Allergies?
by Alisha B
Summary: What would Aragorn's life looked like if he had allergies? He probably wouldn't be a very sucessful Ranger, that's for sure!
1. Sneezing

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Disclaimer: Tolkien owns everything. . . I don't and am not making any money. So don't sue.

This is just a little humorous piece of a story trying to answer the question 'what if Rangers had allergies?' I bet their lives would not be so great, and their jobs a lot harder. *G*

What If Rangers Had Allergies?

Aragorn crept silently through the forest. He had been tracking a small group of Orcs for nearly a week and had now finally caught up with them. The Ranger had heard reports from local farmers and villagers that the creatures were causing problems. The Orcs would have to be dealt with.

There they were. Just through the trees Aragorn could make out the larger forms of four Orcs. This was a very dense section of the forest, and he knew that a surprise attack was important. If the Orcs were to scatter, they would have no problem using their crude bows to catch him from behind.

Just a little closer and Aragorn could get a clear shot. Silently pulling an arrow from his quiver, he notched it to his bow and prepared to pull it back. Suddenly, there was a very familiar tingle in his nose.

Aragorn froze. No, this could not be happening, not now. He wiggled his nose. Perhaps if he just ignored it. . . He couldn't remember the last time that worked, but maybe today he'd get lucky. Well, in the next few seconds, he would know.

Aragorn shut his eyes and tried desperately to stop his nose. It was hopeless; he was going to sneeze. His mind, which for a moment had completely forgotten about the Orcs, screamed at him to hold his breath. That would at least soften it a little.

He could feel it coming, and with his bow in his hand, he couldn't even cover his mouth to muffle the sound more. Then it hit him like a force of bricks. The sudden intake of breath was quickly followed by Aragorn's meager attempt to hold the sound in.

The feeling passed and allowed Aragorn to open his eyes, fully expecting to see four angry Orcs staring at him. But no, the creatures were still busy eating. It had worked! Perhaps this week of tracking would not be wasted after all!

He raised his bow, determined to engage the Orcs. Then it came again, only now there was no warning. None at all! What a cruel trick.

"AAACHOO!"

That drew the attention of the Orcs very easily. . .

Before Aragorn had enough time to recover himself, they had scattered like startled deer. But at least they didn't shoot at him. Yet. Quickly pivoting, Aragorn was forced to retreat. This had actually been the third time in as many days that he had alerted the Enemy to his position, and he was beginning to think that he would never be able to defeat the Orcs.

_Or perhaps I should just cut off my nose right now and be done with it, _he thought angrily as he pulled a handkerchief from his pocket. Blowing your nose while running was not the easiest thing to do, but Aragorn's many, many seasons of practice made him a near expert. 

Spring was definitely not his favorite time of the year. . .

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Tune in next time to see what other troubles Aragorn can get into because of his allergies! 

This story is dedicated to everyone who has ever suffered through an allergy season. I've only recently discovered the wonder of drugs to fix the problem, but unfortunately there weren't any in Aragorn's time. Future scenes include: Aragorn trying to remain inconspicuous in a bar, and the difficulties of tracking or hunting when your eyes are swollen and itchy. . . 

Like I said before, just a little something that hopefully brought a smile to a few people who can relate to the poor Ranger. Reviews are welcome! 


	2. Running Nose

**Notes**:   Hello all!  A HUGE thanks to those who reviewed my first installment!    This took me a lot longer then I thought to get this one out.  Unfortunately, I have to be personally 'inspired' to write it, and this year has been surprisingly mild when it comes to allergies.  So, I suppose I can't complain. * G *  

Basically, each chapter is a stand alone story with separate themes.  Last time I focused on sneezing.  This time around will be a runny nose.  I'm planning at least two more, animal allergies and then indoor dust/mold allergies.  I may attempt some food allergies, but I don't have any experience with it so I may just put little bits here and there.  But who knows, I haven't really thought that far ahead yet!  Please drop me a review and let me know what you think.  I'm much more likely to update faster if you do!!  (at least you won't have to worry about cliffhangers!)

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This chapter is dedicated to everyone who has ever suffered from allergies!  Hopefully you can see a little bit of yourself in this.

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Part Two 

Aragorn rolled over for the hundredth time that night.  Why would his nose not stop running?  And if it wasn't running, it was clogged, and he couldn't breath.  He was in no mood for this.  It had been days since he had gotten a full night's sleep, and tomorrow promised to be a challenge as well.  He had received word from the Rangers traveling near Dunland that an Orc stronghold had been discovered in the mountains, and needed to be. . . taken care of.  The message had already been several days old so great speed was required.  But not if he couldn't get some sleep!

            It was time to take some action.  This had gone on for three nights now, and Aragorn was going crazy.  With a final sniffle, the Ranger sat up and grabbed his pack.  It only took him a few moments to find what he was looking for.  Aragorn pulled out what looked like an old torn blanket.  Taking his knife from its sheath, he cut away a thin strip of the cloth.

            There was only one way left to deal with this. . . problem.  Aragorn took the cloth and folded it twice.  Then, he rolled the fabric between his fingers until it was the right size.  Yes, this would work very nicely.

            Aragorn settled back on the ground and jammed the role of cloth inside his nose, effectively stopping it from running.  He did the same with other side.  Now, perhaps he could get some sleep.  Smiling to himself, Aragorn closed his eyes, now trying to ignore the tickle that the cloth produced.  But at least he would be able to sleep.

            The next morning came entirely too early.  It seemed that he had just closed his eyes when the sun rose, drawing him out of peaceful slumber.  Groaning, Aragorn sat up and gently tugged the cloth from his nose.  This was going to. . . "Aaacchhoo!  Aaacchoo!  Aachhoo!!"  . . .make him sneeze.  

            But at least he had gotten an, almost, full night's sleep even if he was paying for it now.  Sure enough, his nose began to run almost immediately.  Aragorn groaned again.  This was going to be a very long day.

            After eating a quick breakfast, Aragorn loaded his few supplies onto his horse.  He needed to get moving; it was always dangerous to stay in one area too long.  Experience had taught him that if the wandering Orcs didn't find you, then the wolf packs certainly would.  Especially if you had problems being silent.  _And this time of year,_ _that most certainly is my problem, _Aragorn thought as he sneezed again.

He quickly mounted and urged the horse east, toward the open grassland.  After nearly an hour of travel, Aragorn finally broke through the line of trees.  He breathed a sigh of relief, glad to be away from the forest that had been giving him so much grief.  Commanding his horse onward, the Ranger smiled as he felt the warm sunlight on his face and the wind whip through his hair.  

It was going to be a beautiful day.  There were a few large clouds on the horizon, and rain was certainly a possibility, but not for several more hours.  Perhaps it would rain that night, but one could hardly predict summer weather.  So, Aragorn surrendered himself to the idea of a pleasant and warm afternoon on horseback.

After riding hard for a time, Aragorn decided to slow the pace to a walk, giving his horse a chance to rest and allowing him to enjoy the sights if the grassland.  A light, cool breeze blew through the prairie grass and caused the Ranger's dark hair to whip around and catch in his eyes and mouth.  Birds dove in between the blades of grass, catching insects, and a ground squirrel chirped angrily as the birds got too close for comfort. Glancing at the western horizon, Aragorn watched the clouds.  They had been steadily growing off in the distance, and it was certain that strong storms were pounding some part of Middle-Earth.  After keeping a close watch for a good part of the morning, the weather activity was continuing to creep eastward.  It would be upon him by late afternoon. 

Then something else caught the Ranger's attention.  It was a tickle, deep in his nose.  Perhaps if he rubbed it or wiggled it a bit…  Actually, that rarely worked, not when your body was determined to sneeze.  And at that moment, Aragorn's brain was convinced that a large fluffy feather had somehow found its way into his nose, and there was no room for argument.  It was irritating how stubborn that part of his mind could be.

After sneezing what seemed like a hundred times, Aragorn felt the feeling pass, but it was quickly replaced by the all too familiar pressure of a plugged nose.  After a rough night and early morning, he had actually had a very pleasant rest of the day.  His quick pace had kept most of his allergies at bay, but no longer.

Two hours later, Aragorn had completely torn apart the old rag he used to wipe his nose.  He had even considered pulling out his sleeping blanket.  What did you need a sleeping blanket in the summer for anyway?  Well, the nights would get very chilly if he ever traveled in the mountains.  So he had to settle for using whatever he could find while still moving.  

He felt like dying.  He couldn't breath, and his head was going to explode if his nose didn't drain soon.  But the worse thing was that Aragorn had been a little too aggressive earlier, and now, his nose was red and chapped.  It hurt to even touch it.

Aragorn groaned.  Why did this always happen to him right before something important?  The other Rangers needed him at his best!  And silent.  No one had any use for a noisy, distracted, and ill-tempered Ranger. At the moment, that described Aragorn perfectly.  

Dark clouds had snuck up from the west and were now covering the setting sun.  There was a new scent in the air.  A tell tale sign of approaching rain.  A choice had to be made: find shelter or push forward and risk becoming lost in the storm.  But if he stopped, he'd be late.  No, if the Rangers would have to suffer through his sneezing and running nose, Aragorn would not make them wait for him because of a silly rainstorm.

_Silly rainstorm indeed,_ a very wet and miserable Aragorn thought as he approached the meeting place.  He was soaked and covered in mud.  The storm had made travel near impossible, but Aragorn had forced his horse onward, at times having to dismount and lead the creature on foot.  But at least he'd made it.

Aragorn slowly approached a small cluster of trees, listening carefully.  There was the signal, an owl call followed by three short sparrow chirps.  The Rangers were very near, and Aragorn knew he had only a short time to respond before they defended themselves.  Since it was still predawn, Aragorn answered with the appropriate combination of nightingale and owl calls.  He mimicked the birds with the perfection of years of practice.  There was only one flaw; just before finishing the last owl hoot, he sneezed, loudly.  

Three Rangers emerged from behind the trees and another two swung down from their sentinel positions in the branches.  They were all laughing.  Aragorn, however, found nothing funny about the situation.

"Aragorn, it's good to see you, my friend, but what happened?  You sound awful!" one of them called, stepping forward.

Aragorn tried not to sniffle.  "Halbarad, stop your teasing.  You know I can't help it.  It's not my fault the rain makes it worse."

"Yes, yes, it's the same story.  But can you be silent long enough to sneak near an Orc stronghold?" he asked with a sly smile on his face.

"That's not funny," Aragorn mumbled.  This was going to be a very long summer indeed.

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Tune in next time to see what else Aragorn can get himself into!

Please drop me a review, and let me know what you think!


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